Comments on: 5 hidden messages in your intense child’s words (and how to respond)

By: Nicole Schwarz

Nicole Schwarz — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 18:54:49 +0000

In reply to Sarah. Check out my response to Anna's comment!

By: Nicole Schwarz

Nicole Schwarz — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 18:54:26 +0000

In reply to Anna. Hi! Thanks for commenting. It's frustrating when our kids are not more willing to discuss their big feelings and thoughts. If your child is adamantly refusing to talk, it may mean that their body is not fully calm, and they still feel a sense of threat. In this case, let it go. Don't say anything else, and don't force it. If your child is calm and simply doesn't want to discuss the incident, it may mean they feel a sense of guilt or shame. You can learn more about how to respond in this post: A Radically Different Way to Respond When Your Child is Aggressive

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 24 Mar 2017 15:03:25 +0000

Hi – I actually have almost the exact same question as Anna. My 7-yr-old daughter will do the same thing. Even if I stay calm, close, empathise, and try to suggest names to what she’s feeling, she will refuse to talk, denies any of the possible feeling options I’m presenting. As soon as the subject of feelings comes up, she either just keeps shouting and denying that she’s upset but getting more worked up, or shutting down/running away/refusing to talk… 🙁
Wonderful article I’m actually going to print out to keep handy for reference, but any further suggestions would be welcome!

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 14:57:11 +0000

I love everything about this article. thank you. I do have a question …. what would your response be? it’s so helpful for me to hear other people’s responses and even just their lingo. So say I’ve calmly separated my 6 year old son to his room after an aggressive ongoing outburst or him physically attacking me or his little sister. (i have to separate him because otherwise said little sis will interrupt or son will be completely too distracted – and stuff it down.) I sit down a few paces away from him and empathize that he is mad. I calmly invite him to tell me what’s going on and ask how can I help. he says emphatically that he DOESNT want to talk – he HATES talking. Sometimes my mind just goes blank. If I open my mouth at all, he yells the same thing. over and over. What would you try next? I appreciate any suggestions. Thank you.