Hello! I appreciate your comment. It’s heartbreaking when we hear our kids talk negatively about themselves, their abilities or their appearance. It’s hard to say where it came from, some kids are just wired a little differently, so they internalize things or have a more negative slant to their thinking. In general, I’d assume that she does honestly feel like this, unfortunately. If you haven’t already, I’d encourage you to read or learn about shame (Brene Brown has an audio book for parents). I also have a post that may be helpful: How to respond to your child’s negative self-talk.

Nicole

I have the exact problems, I bonded very well with my 4 year old and I think deep down he’s struggling to adapt with 2 siblings. I notice old behaviour like repetitive hitting things, like doors , me, throwing etc. I read about sensory processing issues. Something that might help you understand more. I had a meeting with a behaviour specialist and they recommended time out, but I flat out refused, it’s not in my instinct to do that. Great tips thanks so much!!

Hi! I don’t give specific advice here, but I’ll do my best to answer in a general way to give you and other parents a little direction.

A “defiant worked up child” is one who’s brain is in fight or flight mode. It is not thinking clearly and is simply responding to the feelings and stimuli in the moment – so saying he her brain is “hijacked” is totally correct!

Your job is to be a calm, safe person in the midst of her struggle. So, if time-in’s don’t work because she doesn’t want to cuddle or whatever, that’s fine. You can still offer love and support from a few feet away or across the room. Keeping yourself calm will send a message to her brain that the threat is over and you’re there to help when she’s ready. At 4, she cannot regulate her own emotions 100% of the time, so when she’s having rough weeks, she will need more empathy and support to get through these rough patches.

Sometimes, our own anxiety and desire to get the child’s tantrum to stop, fuels the fire (ramping up the tantrum), instead of sending this calm message (which helps the child calm down). So, again, focus on keeping yourself calm rather than finding the “right” method for getting her to calm down.

Hello, Tracy I’m sorry you had to go through that but I’m also glad to hear that my 4 year old son is not the only one that says “my brain was telling me to do that” when he is doing something he is not supposed to.