Comments on: A Case Against Punishment

By: Nicole Schwarz, MA, LMFT

Nicole Schwarz, MA, LMFT — Thu, 09 Oct 2014 21:17:11 +0000

Hi Carolyn,
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! Yes, ignoring can be a powerful tactic for sibling fighting. To combat the need for attention at less-than-ideal-times, I encourage parents to increase their attention to their kids at other times of the day or as part of the bedtime routine.

Nicole

By: Carolyn Bond

Carolyn Bond — Thu, 09 Oct 2014 20:46:58 +0000

Hi Nicole,
I like your “Case Against Punishment” and your suggestions for solving the bedtime problems of the family with two girls. I’m sure that when the parents ignore the fighting it will go away. As you know, so much sibling fighting is a tactic for getting parental attention even when the result is punishment!
Carolyn

By: 8 Things to Consider When Creating Rules for Your Teen | Mind Your Youth

8 Things to Consider When Creating Rules for Your Teen | Mind Your Youth — Tue, 08 Jul 2014 16:12:22 +0000

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By: Nicole Schwarz, MA, LMFT

Nicole Schwarz, MA, LMFT — Mon, 30 Jun 2014 12:41:02 +0000

In reply to Jodi Hickenlooper.

Hi Jodi,
Welcome! Thanks for commenting. You are so right, things do go much better for parents and teens if they can have a discussion about their challenges. It’s a difficult skill to learn, but it can be done! You give some great communication tips on your website.

Nicole

By: Jodi Hickenlooper

Jodi Hickenlooper — Thu, 19 Jun 2014 14:57:35 +0000

Hi Nicole. I love your distinction between punishment and discipline. I work with teens and they are particularly sensitive to fairness and punishment is often not effective. When a parent cannot give a reason to their teen for a punishment it breeds resentment and makes things eve more difficult down the road. When a parent and teen can have a discussion and work out natural consequences and boundaries things often go so much smoother. Thanks for doing such a nice job separating this out!

By: Nicole Schwarz, MA, LMFT

Nicole Schwarz, MA, LMFT — Sat, 14 Jun 2014 14:47:47 +0000

In reply to Amy Maricle. Hi Amy, Thanks for commenting. I do not recommend time outs to anyone regardless of the age of the child. I love the idea of time-in, though. There are times when a child (or a parent) may need to take a break in another room. Some children can feel overstimulated and might need the quiet and calm of a different environment. In these instances, a time out would not be used as a punishment, instead, I recommend talking about it before the child needs to take a break and offering it as an option for the child's benefit, "I wonder if cuddling with your blankets in your room for a few minutes might help you feel more calm." I wrote about my thoughts on time out in 7 Alternatives to Time Outs. Let me know if you have any further questions! Nicole

By: Amy Maricle

Amy Maricle — Fri, 13 Jun 2014 19:04:37 +0000

Nicole: What a great example with concrete suggestions for us to try to generalize. As I was reading this example with school aged children, it made me wonder what your opinion is about the time out? I know some parents and therapists have begun moving towards a time in. I’m curious about your take on this issue and if you do a time out or time in, and under what circumstances? Do your thoughts differ for toddlers vs. school aged children?
Thanks so much!
Amy