Hi! It’s normal to fall into patterns of yelling from time to time. I’m glad you’re recognizing it and looking for ways to reduce it. Your kids are old enough to problem solve with you and create other solutions to try during these times when you are working. You can express your feelings and observations, and listen to their point of view as well. This may help you feel like you have a plan next time it comes up, which may help you stay more calm.

I love how you’re helping him work it out and giving him lots of strategies to try. And, it sounds like you are helping your daughter realize the impact of her behavior on others and set some boundaries. Unfortunately, your son is learning that we can’t make people do things (or stop doing things) – even if they annoy us! So, the only choice we have is to manage our own emotions. Now, since your son is young, he may need more help from you to stay regulated when he is feeling annoyed. Perhaps he can help you brainstorm other solutions, such as putting on some music or using noise cancelling headphones during times when her humming is too much to bear!

Great question! I wouldn’t push it. If he doesn’t want to work it out – or can’t because he is still angry – let it go for the moment. Some people take longer to cool down. Make sure his feelings have been heard and validated. For some reason, this particular situation is very personal, if you can join with him about the underlying issues or feelings, you may be able to get to some resolution (eventually). Something like, “You seem especially upset about this. I wonder if it’s because you worked so hard on this project and you feel like your sister’s getting all of the credit.” Or whatever. If he knows you get him, his need for revenge may decrease.

If it’s a situation that happens repeatedly, it might be time for more serious processing and problem solving (before the situation happens again).