I’d love to meet with you for an online coaching session. We can talk through your challenges and figure out how to help you feel more confident and in control. You can learn more: https://www.imperfectfamilies.com/parent-coaching

Thank you,
A

This is a tough situation. Especially when it’s something like school that has to get done.

Instead of setting the limit first, I’d encourage you to try to empathize with them first. “Wow! You’re really not feeling like doing school today.” Or, “You’d really like to play today. I wish we could play all day too. What would you play? Oh, you’d build a fort! Cool.”

Then, you can go a few different directions. You can be silly, “You don’t want to do school? Well, you know what happens to kids who don’t go to school…they get chased by the teacher!!!” Or you can brainstorm together (instead of giving them the answer), “You’d really like to play, and we need to do school. Hmmm. Any ideas for how to make this work?”

But maybe it’s a bigger issue. Maybe their resistance would be less if they did reading instead of math first. Who knows. I’d bring this up as a family issue, “It seems like every day I hear you say ‘I hate school.’ I’m wondering if there’s something we can do to help you hate school a little less. Any ideas?” If you’re getting a deer in the headlights response, give some ideas, “How about the order we do school? Would you change that?” etc.

I hope that helps!

Me: “it’s time for school!”
them: I hate school. I don’t want to do school. I want to play.
Me: (trying to set a limit) “In this house, we do school first then we play. We’ll try to make it fun!”
or “I am required by law to teach you. I’ll do my best to make it fun!” or “If you can cooperate, school will get done faster! Then you can play!”

I’ve tried taking privileges away (like playing games or going to a friends house) but they really do not care. They just suffer through the consequences.

The problem is, they run off. I can’t physically make them do something. It becomes a huge battle. They don’t listen to me because they realize I can’t force them to do anything. I feel like I’ve lost their respect all together and that they walk all over me. This can apply to getting them to help with things around the house, cleaning their rooms or whatever. Even when I do try to make it fun and offer help (let’s turn on some music! Let’s do it together and see who can pick up the most toys!) I feel like I’ve tried EVERYTHING but that they KNOW they’ve got me beat. Please help me know what I am doing wrong!