Comments on: When to praise your child (and when to skip it)

By: Nicole Schwarz

Nicole Schwarz — Sun, 28 Feb 2016 19:10:07 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story and how you deal with this at your own house. I’m sad that you had that experience in 2nd grade.

You’re right the phrase I use in my house could be misconstrued or misused in a hurtful way. That is definitely not the intent – which is giving them permission to either scribble all over the page or move on to another activity without feeling pressure to continue.

I’m glad you found something that works for you!

By: Madeleine

Madeleine — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 17:41:39 +0000

In the second grade my teacher took a drawing I had made and threw it in the trash. She said ‘You clearly weren’t trying’. Now, I don’t remember the drawing well, and for all I know I had scribbled all over the page and hadn’t cared, but it really hurt me. I know that the teacher was probably justified, but as a child I didn’t process it that way. It made me feel that anything I did that was less than perfect wasn’t worth it, and I was very hard on myself.

Drawing is a way to express yourself. It isn’t about perfection or making something amazing. Kids are allowed to make bad things just to play around. I agree however, with not praising every work, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘doesn’t look like you felt like colouring’, because maybe they won’t hear it how I mean it.

With my kids today, they each have a specific place on the wall where they can display their work. When they draw something that doesn’t look like they cared, I just smile and say something like ‘So much blue!’ or ‘That looks like a person.’ Something that doesn’t rate the picture, but lets them know that I looked when they asked me to. Then I ask ‘Do you want to put that on the wall?’ Then my children decide for themselves whether they tried and are proud of their work, or whether it was just something they weren’t really invested in, and except for the first few days of using the wall, they make that evaluation accurately.

I don’t want my children ever feeling the way that I did when my teacher threw out my (possibly terrible) drawing, but I don’t want them thinking that not caring is as good as real effort. It isn’t my place though, to tell them when they have tried. I think that is something that they need to be guided into seeing for themselves.

By: Meredith@MommyAtoZ

Meredith@MommyAtoZ — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 14:58:15 +0000

Wow, that’s a really interesting perspective! I never thought of it that way, but it makes sense. I really love these posts…I’m learning so much as a mom! Thanks for linking up at the Manic Mondays blog hop!

By: Nicole Schwarz

Nicole Schwarz — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 19:43:08 +0000

In reply to Amy Ngai.

Thanks for stopping by! Good point, these kids are going to be adults someday! 🙂

Nicole

By: Amy Ngai

Amy Ngai — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 02:50:15 +0000

I wholeheartedly agreed with everything in this post. I think it’s important for kids to know the difference between real effort and something that was halfa$$. Sometimes I think we forget that we’re not raising kids, we’re raising adults, and a child that constantly gets praised for every little thing they do can have huge consequences for when they are older. Thanks for sharing.

By: Amy Maricle

Amy Maricle — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 20:09:37 +0000

hi Nicole. Thanks for another thoughtful post! I love how you remind us to just observe what we see rather than evaluate. That’s so helpful

Amy

By: Megan

Megan — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 14:44:30 +0000

I love this post. We really try to refrain from the old stand-by “good job.” I find it minimizes their accomplishments and efforts as well. Instead we do like you mentioned, point out all the colours used, the shapes, how hard he must have worked, etc. etc. It’s hard with grandparents though. My MIL uses “good job” for absolutely everything my son doesâ€¦it can be a tough habit to break for sure.

By: Nicole Schwarz

Nicole Schwarz — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 01:46:13 +0000

In reply to Tricia.

It’s true, kids are often really wanting praise, especially from teachers. My motto is: when in doubt – comment on what you see. 🙂

Nicole

By: Nicole Schwarz

Nicole Schwarz — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 01:45:05 +0000

In reply to Marie Osborne. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing, Marie!

By: Nicole Schwarz

Nicole Schwarz — Tue, 24 Mar 2015 01:44:33 +0000

In reply to Dori.

Haha! I like how you think Dori.
Thanks for stopping by!
Nicole