Comments on: My Favorite Parenting Posts from 2013 https://imperfectfamilies.com/my-favorite-parenting-posts-from-2013/ Parent Coach for Imperfect Families Mon, 19 May 2014 14:16:22 +0000 hourly 1 By: Nicole Schwarz, MA, LMFT https://imperfectfamilies.com/my-favorite-parenting-posts-from-2013/#comment-3433 Mon, 19 May 2014 14:16:22 +0000 http://imperfectfamilies.com/?p=573#comment-3433 In reply to Audrey.

Hello, thank you for writing. It sounds like you are very concerned about your daughter and your relationship with her. There are a lot of things that you cannot control about this situation, most significantly, the actions and words of her father. Instead of focusing on what he is doing or not doing, I would focus more on what you can do. Since her father does not support therapy, it may be up to you to help her identify what she is thinking and feeling, and give her a safe space to express these thoughts. I’d focus on giving her lots of love and affection, regardless of her attitude. Let her know that it is ok for her to love you and her father, to like and/or not like your boyfriend or his girlfriend. And, it’s ok to feel lots of different mixed up emotions about the divorce, her parents dating, her siblings and the other children in the family. If possible, give her an outlet to express these feelings, maybe drawing or writing. Perhaps there is a support group at her school or a school counselor who could check in with her during the day.

It’s not easy to be in your situation. If you would like more personalized support for this concern, please contact me directly and we can set up a time to talk over the phone.

To others in this blog community: How have you build up your relationship with your children after or during a divorce/separation? What strategies have helped your children express their feelings about this life change?

]]> By: Audrey https://imperfectfamilies.com/my-favorite-parenting-posts-from-2013/#comment-3039 Thu, 15 May 2014 14:23:33 +0000 http://imperfectfamilies.com/?p=573#comment-3039 I have been divorced a couple years and sometimes struggle with youngest who is 10. She refuses to get ready for school sometimes and says I hate her. She makes excuses that she doesn’t have anything to wear. She acts strange around people and my boyfriend and his kids. She has been around them for over a year. The other night we met at a restaurant she stood next to me by the table the whole time and wouldn’t sit down or eat. She just said I don’t want to sit down. My boyfriends girls are very accommodating and try to get her to be comfortable and do things, but she is just rude sometimes. I have noticed this with her friends when they are visiting our home also. She doesn’t greet them, say bye or make them feel welcome. She gets mad over little things and doesn’t communicate why. Her dad has told her counseling is a bad thing and that she doesn’t need it and she is against it. Her older sister doesn’t really talk to me because of her dad alienating me. He thinks they should call all the shots, always coming first and you should always do what they want. He has cried to my oldest daughter, told them both I cheated (which is not true), and other things that are either inappropriate for a child to hear or it’s untrue. He is in no way supportive and communication with him is almost nonexistent. I stay positive and never say negative things about him. I keep it about me and the girls. I feel because he does or has talked bad about me, it has degraded my relationship with them. My youngest thinks she should be in charge of where we go. She does go over my boyfriends with me and has fun with his girls and she doesn’t say no to going. But I feel she doesn’t really want to be around them sometimes because of what her dad had said. Her dad has been dating someone for around a year now, and I thought things would have gotten better once this happened but it hasn’t. He is still very angy over the divorce, but the kids are being affected by this and I don’t know if he realized that or not.

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