The Myth of Finding Balance in Parenting

 

Trying to find a work/life balance as a parent is exhausting. Try this instead.

Balance.

Such a nice peaceful word. Images of perfectly balanced scales or beautiful ballerinas en pointe come to mind.

Balance is not a word that describes my life.

My images are more like forgotten permission slips and dirty dishes in the sink.

To parents, maybe mom’s especially, balance is a word that brings more stress than relief. It carries with it the burden of figuring out how to do everything equally well.

Spending exactly the same amount of time with each child. Putting the same effort into all of our activities so the end result is equally fantastic (dare I say, perfect?).

Balance is a Choice

How can we possibly spend the same time and effort on meal prep, helping with homework, building relationships with our kids, cleaning, and self-care?

There is no way that we can ever perfectly balance all of the things we are required to think and do as parents.

Maybe, instead of seeing balance as everything in perfect order, it is learning to choose the things that are most important at that time.

For example, if your oldest son is struggling with his math homework and you take time to sit and help him through it, you are choosing to say “yes” to him and “no” to spending time with your other kids, checking your email or making dinner.

Things look like they are out of balance.

When, actually, your priorities and your focus are right where they need to be.

Finding Freedom in Unbalance

My life right now is extremely unbalanced. I have 3 young girls. My focus is on helping them grow up to be happy, wise and successful adults.

There are days when I go to library story time instead of cleaning the bathroom. And, there are nights when I watch TV with my husband instead of reading another parenting book.

As my kids grow, they will need less and less of my attention. I will be able to focus on other things (although I still may not get around to cleaning the bathroom regularly).

Until then, I’m learning to determine what is a priority. What needs my attention and what can wait.

In other words, learning to live without balance.

How about you?

Learning to love an unbalanced life is not always easy.

There’s even a tendency to want to do “unbalance” perfectly.

It’s OK.

Take it slow.

Start small. Focus on your one next thing.

What needs your attention? What doesn’t? What is an immediate concern? What seems immediate, but isn’t?

Make an intentional choice. Celebrate doing that one thing well in that one moment.

And leave “balance” to the ballerinas.

Nicole Schwarz (couch 3)

Welcome! I'm Nicole Schwarz.

I'm a Parent Coach, Licensed Therapist and Author of It Starts with You. I help stressed, overwhelmed, confused parents find calm, confidence and connection with their kids. No one is expecting perfection here. But, if you’re willing to examine your parenting, find encouragement, or try something new, this is the place for you.

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