How to Be an Intentional Parent

 

As the confetti rains down and the clock strikes midnight, you mutter the words: “This year, I won’t yell at my kids.”

It’s the same resolution you set last year.

And you made it about 36 hours.

The start of a new year always provides an opportunity for reflection and goal-setting.   But it seems that the goals we set leave us feeling disappointed a few months…or weeks…or days later when we’re back to our old habits.

So, rather than repeating the cycle of “setting and forgetting” goals this year, let’s add a step by creating a vision for your parenting.

Creating a vision means taking the time to dream about the parent you’d like to be in the future.

It’s easy to breeze past this step or ignore it all together.   However, the more thought and time you put into casting your vision, the more successful you will be in setting and reaching your goals.

You will have a clear understanding of your values and morals. You will know what’s important and what you can let go. You will know what kinds of books and blogs to read and which to skip.

How to be an Intentional Parent.

Step 1.

Find a time when things are quiet, when you have minimal interruptions.   I realize that this is challenging; it may mean getting up a few minutes early or staying in the car after dropping the kids off at school. Sit down with your computer or a piece of paper.

Step 2.

Give yourself permission to think about your parenting.   Identify the things you would like to do differently or things you would like to continue doing in the future.   Think about this in great detail, including many of your five senses. Think about how you would start your day, include things that you would do by yourself, things that you would do for others, things that you would stop doing, things that you would say to others, how you would like to talk to your children, etc.

This is not what others say you should do, or what you feel that you ought to do, but what you would really like to do!

Step 3.

Write it down.   Again, use as much detail as possible. Let this be a free-flowing activity, rather than stopping to edit or rewrite.   Use the present tense, as if you are already doing the activities.   For example, “I wake up at 6:00…” Once you are done, reread what you wrote.   How does it feel? Peaceful? Calm? Energetic? Is there anything you would change or improve?

Step 4.

For the following week, find a few minutes every day to reread your vision. Let it sink in. Allow yourself to sit with this vision and become comfortable with the idea.

It may not be your life right now, in fact, it may be miles away from the parenting you do today.   That is ok.   This is a vision for the future, something you are going to work toward over the next weeks and months.

Take your time.

I know you want it to be an immediate reality, but making true, lasting change takes time.

After you’ve given it some thought, you are ready to write your parenting goals! Don’t hurry into this step though, wait until you have a clear direction and know where you want to head.

There’s nothing magical about January 1st. You can set a goal anytime.

So this year, let the confetti settle before you jump into your new year’s resolution.