I’ll be a good mom when…

I'll be a good mom when...my house is clean, my kids behave, whatever. No. Let's try this instead: I am a good mom.

It’s mac ‘n cheese again tonight.

As you plop a scoop on each child’s plate you hear that little voice inside, “Is this the best you can do?”

Without knowing it, you add another heavy brick to your backpack of shame.

This one’s labeled: “good moms don’t serve mac ‘n cheese.”

The growing weight of the backpack is uncomfortable, but you work around it.  Forcing a smile. Posting happy pictures on Instagram. Keeping the messy details of your life hidden.

But day in and day out, the bricks pile up:

I’ll be a good mom when…

  • I stop yelling at my kids.
  • I don’t check my phone while the kids are around.
  • I stop worrying so much.
  • I cook a meal from scratch.
  • I don’t feel annoyed when my kids want to cuddle.
  • I actually finish a parenting book.
  • I teach my kids how to do their own laundry.
  • I stop letting my kids watch so much TV.
  • I don’t use candy as a bribe.
  • I get everything done on my to-do list.
  • My kids don’t talk back.
  • My kids go to bed before 9:00.
  • My kids look nice for school.
  • My kids get along.
  • My kids eat whatever is served.
  • My kids do what they’re told…the first time.
  • My kids help without complaining.
  • My kids sit still in class.
  • My kids spend more time outside.
  • My kids are in the gifted classroom.

Enough.

You’ve carried that backpack of guilt and shame long enough. It’s time to take it off and set it aside.

It’s time to stop living in shame and start living in truth.

You are a good mom!

Say it with me:  I am a good mom.

The things in your shame backpack won’t make you a good mom. You already are a good mom!

You might be thinking, “yeah, but I still…” or “…but, my kids don’t…”

It’s ok.

You are used to the weight of the shame backpack. Even though you hate it, it’s become part of your wardrobe.

Every time you find yourself adding a “but” to that statement, tell yourself to stop.  Remind yourself that there’s a period at the end of the sentence.

The sentence is complete! I am a good mom.

Related: 31 positive affirmations for moms.

What happens now?

Shame loves to hide. The longer it stays hidden, the more powerful it will become.

Refuse to let shame win! Get it out in the open.

Find a trusted friend, Parent Coach, or a mental health professional and start to unload the backpack. Acknowledge your mistakes, fears, and insecurities.

You may find that your situation is not as unusual as your shame led you to believe.

Ok. Who’s ready for some mac ‘n cheese?

*If you’re struggling with addiction or engaging in abusive behavior toward your children, please seek help immediately. These behaviors often stem from deeply rooted shame, beliefs, and habits that cannot be properly addressed without the support of a trained mental health professional.*

Nicole Schwarz (couch 3)

Welcome! I'm Nicole Schwarz.

I'm a Parent Coach, Licensed Therapist and Author of It Starts with You. I help stressed, overwhelmed, confused parents find calm, confidence and connection with their kids. No one is expecting perfection here. But, if you’re willing to examine your parenting, find encouragement, or try something new, this is the place for you.

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