It’s not your job to stop a tantrum, it’s your job not to have one

It happens in an instant.

Your child is refusing to brush their teeth. Is begging for the newest video game. Or is picking on their sister (again).

Then yelling begins — complete with name calling, sarcasm, and eye-rolling.

Except it’s not your child.

It’s you.

And you hate it.

You’d give anything to stop these responses and keep a level head so you can be a safe, empathetic, connecting, problem-solver for (and with) your child.

And you can!

But, this means, you’ll need to be willing to let your kids experience big feelings without throwing your own “tantrum” when they don’t settle down immediately.

It's not your job to stop your child from having a tantrum. It's your job not to have one.

If you feel your own tantrum coming on…


Take 3 deep breaths.

Think of how you would like someone to respond if you were in your child’s shoes.

Remind yourself that it’s normal for kids to have big feelings, meltdowns and tantrums.

Remind yourself that your child is feeling dysregulated and needs your support to find a sense of calm again.

And, remind yourself that the best way to teach your child how to make a better choice is by modeling strategies for keeping calm when things don’t go your way.

If it’s too late…

Of course, there will be days when you find yourself in the middle of your own tantrum.

Acknowledge your frustration, your feelings of being out of control, or needing a break.

Gather up all of the “grown-up-ness” you can and decide to make a different choice in this moment.

Then, follow the steps above to get back on track.

Nicole Schwarz (couch 3)

Welcome! I'm Nicole Schwarz.

I'm a Parent Coach, Licensed Therapist and Author of It Starts with You. I help stressed, overwhelmed, confused parents find calm, confidence and connection with their kids. No one is expecting perfection here. But, if you’re willing to examine your parenting, find encouragement, or try something new, this is the place for you.

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