"You seem pretty upset about my decision.” His eyes glare at you. Moving in to provide comfort, he swats you away yelling, “leave me alone!” You’re confused, hurt, and getting more upset by the minute. We’re told that empathy is the best response. The “magic bullet” of parenting techniques. Well...it’s not working. So, … [Read more...]
9 Parenting Truths That Apply To All Children
Parenting advice can get a little murky. If you Google your specific parenting problem, there’s a chance that you’ll find more than one answer. And, there’s a good chance that those answers will slightly (or completely) contradict. Instead of zooming in and searching for the “one” right solution. Let’s look at parenting from a more general … [Read more...]
5 things your child needs to know about your divorce or separation (from a marriage and family therapist)
On the floor of my therapy office, a 6-year-old draws a picture of her family. Herself, Mom, Dad, two brothers, and a dog. Her mom and dad are holding hands. Everyone is smiling. My heart sinks as I look at her drawing. Her parents have been divorced since she was 3. I’m pretty sure it’s been at least that long since they held hands and … [Read more...]
How to reduce competition between siblings
Anything can turn into a competition between your kids. Who has the tallest french fry. Who has the most homework. Who brushed their teeth more efficiently. Seriously. Nothing is off limits for those two. And, no matter how hard you try to tell them “it doesn’t matter who has the longest pinky toenail” they aren’t interested in … [Read more...]
How to respond when your child prefers one parent
It's heartbreaking when your child pulls away from you and reaches for another caregiver. Thankfully, there are things you can do to survive this difficult stage. Here are some tips to use when your child prefers one parent over the other (BONUS: suggestions for the "preferred"...and the "non-preferred" parent!) “No! I want daddy to … [Read more...]
Sharing toys with siblings: How to stop the arguments
Sharing does not come naturally to some kids...which means you're constantly dealing with arguments about "who's turn it is" and "who had it first." Rather than forcing them to give up their favorite toy or engaging in a power struggle, use these 10 "sharing rules" to help your kids practice sharing toys with siblings. “I feel like I need two … [Read more...]
Using Empathy to Avoid a Power Struggle
The bus drove away before we could get to the stop. Sighing, I turn to my daughter, “I guess I’m driving you to school today.” Panic filled her eyes. “No way. It’s embarrassing to be a car-rider.” Confused, I brushed aside her remarks. “It’s not embarrassing. Come on, let’s go.” “I’m not going to school … [Read more...]
When you keep yelling at your kids (but really want to stop)
"Get in bed! NOW!" you scream at the top of your lungs. Any intention of staying calm went right out the window. Along with any amount of patience or rational thinking. Your kids scramble into their beds and you finally have a chance to breathe. It doesn't take long for the guilt to sink in..."There I go again! Yelling! Why can't I just hold … [Read more...]
Helping Your Older Child Cope When Their Sibling Becomes Mobile
You've read the books. You bought the "I'm a big brother" t-shirt. You have a basket of fun activities for him to do while you're nursing. You're prepared to smooth the transition from singleton to sibling once you arrive home from the hospital. But, a few weeks in, you feel confused. Didn't the books say this was going to be a difficult … [Read more...]
What to do when your kids refuse to be comforted
The scene plays out in slow motion. You watch helplessly as your daughter trips on a laundry basket and launches her freshly-glued art creation across the room. Hours of hard work lay scattered on the floor. She is devastated. Coming to the rescue you attempt to scoop her into a big supportive hug. "Get away from me!" she … [Read more...]